Loophole Theology

"He hit me."
"No, I didn't."
"He did too."
"I did not."
"Alright, that's enough. Did you hit him?"
"Um, no."
"Um, no?"
"Um, no."
"What's um no?"
"He did too hit me."
"I didn't hit him."
"So why is he saying that?"
"What?"
"Don't ask me what. You know what I'm talking about. Did you hit him?"
"Um, no."
"He did too."
"I didn't hit him."
"Don't say that again. Tell me what you did do."
"I did....um...I slapped him, like this, with my hand open. It actually wasn't a hit, I mean...."

Hit, slap, what's the difference? I guess it's all a matter of what "is" is. Looking for a loophole. We might do it when we're in trouble, to conceal something embarrassing or convicting. Even further, people will find a loophole in advance, before they ever do the deed, as a justification before and an excuse later. What's worse is when people look for a way out and use Scripture to do it. I am calling this, right now, loophole theology. The abbreviation, LT, in your most up to date theological dictionaries. So what is loophole theology?

Loophole Theology is one of the systems of theological study in which the large portions of white in the Bible are utilized in order to come to doctrinal and practical positions. Now, some people think that the dark part, the stuff out of dark ink, you know, words and that kind of thing are really important. I'm not going to devalue those, but the white part, the spaces between letters and lines is way undervalued. Instead of going to the sentences and paragraphs to get doctrine and practice, LT looks in between the lines to figure out what the Bible didn't say. The credo for LT is: Silence is permission. For instance, the Bible doesn't say I can't go fishing 5 days a week 12 hours a day. Scripture never mentions anything against wearing thick eye shadow or how long is long, and never prohibits electric guitars and trap sets. The Bible never tells me how often I need to evangelize. Some people like to take Scripture at its word, but LT likes to take Scripture at its spaces. And hey, no one should have the right to question anyone's LT, and if they do, they're squashing your liberty, raining on your spontaneity, squeezing the sense of freedom you ought to experience, and burdening you with lists of performance the Bible doesn't even mention. I mean, I know the verses about sufficiency and everything, but if the Bible doesn't say it's wrong, then it must be right. And some people may think that God actually has an agenda that will take up most of our time, but I ask how anyone can know that, especially if no one knows what the definition of "is" is.