Relationship, pt. 12

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Part Eleven

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit never have to reconcile.  Why?  They never sin.  Nothing separates them from one another.  They always function within their nature and they never act insubordinate to their own hierarchy, which is within their own will.  They would not, and this is also a model for us.

The best people can do, since they will sometimes sin, is reconciliation, which is based on the truth, on the light of God, scriptural belief and practice, and not some type of compromise or negotiation down from the teaching of God's Word.  We can count only upon believers to reconcile.  It's not in the nature of unbelievers, except according to the rarity of a matter of conscience, common grace, or natural law.  Even among unbelievers, some reconciliation is necessary to continue favored relationships.  However, reconciliation is characteristic only of believers.  They must reconcile.

There is a process to reconciliation, presented in scripture cumulatively in numerous places.  We should assume it should be followed.  It makes sense.  As I take us through the process, I'll also point out where it goes wrong in the process.

Offended or an Offense

No one needs to reconcile until someone has offended.  It could be a sin, but it also might not be a sin.  The apparent offense might need to be judged by a mediator.  If someone is offended something must be done toward reconciliation, even if it is just finding out that no offense has been committed.  This was Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5:21-24.  If someone has sinned, which is an offense, that must be confronted, which is Jesus' teaching in Matthew 18:15-17.  In either case, reconciliation is necessary.

A prerequisite for anyone to deal with an offense is what Jesus called, pulling out the beam or the mote out of one's own eye first (Matthew 7:3-5).  Someone might not be spiritually equipped to deal with a situation, as implied in Galatians 6:1 with "ye which are spiritual."  Someone might not have the knowledge or the discernment even to counsel someone else on what he's doing wrong.  He'll need to get that settled first, but it should be an active pursuit, not just kicking that can down the road.

If someone has been offended, and is not willing to do anything about it, he must forbear and "turn the other cheek."  If he isn't going to fulfill the biblical requirement for an offense, he can't stay angry, hold a grudge, or gossip about it.  Neither can he just end the relationship, just because he doesn't want to do anything about it.  If he isn't willing to reconcile, he's got to let it go.  He's got to put it away, and then treat the person as if nothing is wrong.

Some people don't want to do the hard work of reconciliation.  Perhaps they don't like the conflict.  They aren't sure what the reaction will be.  They don't want to deal with it.  If that's the case, this is a person who must endure at least personal offense.  Turning the other cheek is an option that Jesus said could be chosen, even if a real offense has occurred (Matthew 5:39).  If someone is fine weathering poor treatment, he can avoid the confrontation.

We are required to confront only someone in the church.  If we should keep in good relations with someone else, then we'll need to confront them too.  We don't have to try to reconcile everywhere, as explained in an earlier post, but we'll need to do it in order to maintain biblical relationship.

The Confrontation

Scripture lays out variations of confrontation, among others described as entreaty, rebuke, admonishment, reproof, appeal, and correction.  Entreaty is a requirement for a younger person to an older person (1 Timothy 5:1).  Proverbs speaks about tone:  "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).  This doesn't mean a soft answer is required in every instance, just that it is choice of tone that might turn away wrath.

If the goal is reconciliation, one should take the best tack possible.  If it is a church situation, that must be solved, a gentle albeit firm conversation with the use of scripture should initiate the process.  2 Timothy 2:24 says,

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.

One should assume on the first encounter that one is talking to someone who wants to listen.  We shouldn't start by expecting the worst.  The intensity of tone or voice might increase with a lack of listening and respect.  I've been in many of those, where I started with an attempt to keep it civil and then it escalated.  A listener has a requirement (James 1:19):

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

Anger, disdain, visible stubbornness, or some other kind of negativity at the prospect of being confronted at all shouldn't occur, but if it does, the listener might expect a rougher time.  Somebody practicing sin shouldn't expect to be treated nicely.  He's doing bad things.  Those don't merit a cheshire cat grin.  Smiling at sin could be construed a level of insanity.  It deserves at least a frown.

Bad reactions to the initiation of the reconciliation process are the number one reason confessed for never starting.  It can't be an excuse for not doing it.  Scripture provides such encouragement and preparation as "be strong," "put on the armor of God," and "stand fast."  These types of commands are given because this isn't easy.  Sometimes it ends in a catastrophic and hurtful way.  When we do the right thing as a Christian, that is, we're faithful to what God said to do, the labor is not in vain in the Lord (1 Corinthians 15:58).  This is a strengthening thought after a bad experience in repairing relationship with attempted reconciliation.

More to Come