Relationship, pt. 9

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four   Part Five   Part Six   Part Seven   Part Eight

Reconciliation or restoration is a necessity for and in relationship, but how far does this responsibility extend?  With whom are we required to reconcile?  Everyone knows people with whom they will never have a relationship, because there are not at all even open to biblical reconciliation, which is one consideration for what Paul wrote in Romans 12:18:

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

It's not possible with some people to reconcile, because no one has within him everything necessary to do it, as informed by God in Paul's teaching.  When I was young, I had a much greater estimation of my ability to solve relationship problems.  Like Paul said, do "as much as lieth in you."  "As much as lieth in you" is at least what the Bible teaches someone has to attempt so that it can be accomplished.

When the Apostle Paul speaks of "all men" in Romans 12:18, it reminds me of the goal to preach the gospel to every creature (Mark 16:15).  The free offer of the gospel is an ongoing attempt of reconciliation with everyone.  It is being the "peacemaker" of Matthew 5:9.  This is what Paul calls the "ministry of reconciliation" (2 Corinthians 5:18).

Sheer proximity and time limits relationship.  Paul's instruction above in Romans 12:18 tells believers that they've got to do the best they can to keep things right with other people, even though it is an impossibility to keep it with everyone.  Sin is what severs relationship and most people are not going to repent of sin.

Very often when Christians today think about keeping relationships, they often consider certain arbitrary non-scriptural spheres, like high school and college friends or acquaintances.  I know a professing Christian who is careful to maintain his relationship with a college atheist friend, as if some loyalty is deserved there.  Life is short, a vapor (James 4:14).  If someone won't be a friend of God, that should matter to a Christian.

I have no one too near where I live with whom I went to high school or college, so everything would be distance for me anyway. From afar, I keep a relationship with high school or college friends or acquaintances based on belief and practice of the Word of God.  In any regularity, I see one person.  When I see him, we talk a lot about the Bible.  Scripture is the basis for all relationship.  I've told my own children their entire lives that classmates are not necessarily their future friends.  Having lots of friends when they're young isn't important.

The Bible will tell someone who his friend will be.  All relationship comes through God, and whoever is not fine with that, a believer cannot be okay with that person.  After attempt at reconciliation and even mediation on scriptural terms, if that can't happen, then the relationship won't be there.  Keep everything good with God as a rule, and leave behind whatever human relationship that will not fit into that.

Spheres of Possible Relationship Where Reconciliation Occurs

I see only three spheres of possible relationship in the Bible for a believer, where reconciliation should be attempted, if that relationship is severed.  First, relationship is required in a church.  As a body part, each member of a church, like a body part is dependent upon the others. Scripture requires reconciliation in a church, when it is necessary, again "endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit" (Ephesians 4:3).  The Lord gives the church the tools necessary to keep and maintain relationship.  Much of the teaching of the New Testament is about churches manifesting the relationship of God.  A church should do everything scripture teaches to keep biblical peace between its people.  A person should do everything scripture teaches to keep biblical peace with his church.

My fellowship with church members is enough to keep me busy with relationship.  I can spend almost all my time with church members and that is what I see in the Bible.  I have time for others who want to be in our church.  I spend time every week with possible church members through evangelism and discipleship.

A second sphere are the churches of like faith and practice.  There are the people in the churches I know our church is in fellowship with.  That is a lot of people.  All of the relationship with fellow believers is around the truth.  I get a lot of this from all over.  I try to increase it.  I see this laid out in 2 John (read that epistle).  When the two churches of Jerusalem and Antioch had a division, they sought to reconcile and did (Acts 15, Galatians 2).  Those two churches provide a model.  Churches, the members of those churches, should try to stay in good standing with other churches.

True Christians of all people have a basis for peace with one another.  Since genuine believers are children of God, they are brothers and sisters in Christ and that implies relationship.  The Lord wants Christians to have relationship.

The third sphere is family.  I spend more time with the believers in my own family than anyone.  My three daughters and my wife are all in our church.  My oldest daughter's husband is in our church.  My elderly parents live with my family and go to our church.  Of all the people with whom I'm not in relationship, I try with my family.  That is in the Bible.  It starts with my wife's parents, two Christians, who I love dearly, and I know they love the Lord.  God says, honor thy Father and thy Mother, and we have tried to keep that going with both sets of parents, and put the time into doing that.

I'm not going to get into my relationship with those family not mentioned, what some might call extended family, but I want relationship with them, and want to do what it takes to reconcile with them, as a sphere of relationship.  My immediate family and I, those who live in my home, are not going to veer outside of scripture to see it happen.  Jesus talked about this, and he was very, very clear.  I've talked about family as one of the biggest idols in the United States and the rest of the world.  Many times family is what leads people either to Hell or to a poor relationship with God.  Jesus said (Matthew 10:37):

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

He also said (Luke 12:53):

The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

Sometimes family acts like they don't remember those statements by Jesus.  They are in the Bible.  They must be obeyed, because the relationship with God is the priority relationship, and all other relationship proceeds from that one.  This is law.  I will try to keep in good relations and reconcile with family members, but not at the risk of my relationship with God.

Some reconciliation with family requires personal admission of sin and willingness to set terms for restoration.  I've offended family.  When I do that, I've got to say when I'm wrong.  Like I've written elsewhere in this series, genuine relationship is not some arbitrary connection.  It is based upon scripture.  It starts with being obedient myself.  I can't expect other family to be that way and do that, if I'm not going to do it.  That doesn't require sinless perfection, but it does require enduring, continuous work at it.

The Ground for Reconciliation, and Relationship to Start With

The ground for peace between God and man and between man and man is the truth.  It isn't peace if it is not founded upon the truth.  Reconciliation observes the truth.  Does scripture show that I did something wrong?   What does scripture say someone else did that is hindering or severing the relationship?

For myself, the relationship isn't foremost, but the ground for reconciliation itself.  The truth itself is bigger than the relationship.  The truth must be preserved and passed down to the next generation.  The truth sanctifies.  The truth saves, sets us free from the bondage of sin.  The truth needs to be upheld in relationship and for relationship.  Relationship is never bigger than the truth or higher than the truth.  Relationship is placed under the truth, even so that relationship can occur.

When an attempt at reconciliation occurs, judgment is based upon the truth.  If someone has been offended, it relates to the truth.  An offense is a violation of the truth.  It might be a preference, not something taught in the Bible.  The relationship should be greater than a preference.  This is how 1 Corinthians 6-11 reads in that section on Christian liberty.  Love for a person supersedes preferences. They're only preferences.  Something can be given up in order to help the relationship.  This goes either way, either discontinuing a practice or putting up with one because it is just a preference.  This might need to be negotiated and mediated, one or both.

The truth, however, is the basis for reconciliation.  The mediator or mediators will judge based upon the truth. Like the connection isn't arbitrary, the dealing with scripture isn't either.  Everybody has opinions, but judgment won't be based upon an opinion, or a feeling, about scripture.

Whether it is the truth, that is, a doctrine or practice of scripture, must be exegetical and historical.  The church is the pillar and ground of the truth, not one person or a whim.  People can shop for their interpretation.  Someone will say it is valid.  Authority must be involved.  The church is the temple of God (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).  As I revealed earlier, God has given authority to the church to judge.  The church isn't going to conform to one person, but the one person needs to conform to the church.

If the position isn't historical, it better have very good exegetical proof.  I doubt a doctrine that arises out of some kind of apprehended total apostasy.  I would need to understand why what scripture teaches wasn't being believed and practiced.  I also want to know why what Christians believed and taught and obeyed for centuries has now gone by the wayside.

What I see with millennials today is looking for the book, the church, and the counselor that supports their opinion.  This is actually how apostates behave.  Jesus is the Head of the church.  God sets members in the body.  It shouldn't be easy come and easy go.  Many millennials are like doctor shoppers, trying to find a doctor who will write the prescription they want.  Today anyone can find anything that he wants to believe.  It's somewhere.  That doesn't make it acceptable.

Furthermore, just because a millennial or anyone else disagrees doesn't make it a valid basis for belief and practice.  I often hear, "I just disagree."  I say, "That's obvious."  New positions and opinions arise on a regular basis, especially today in a postmodern culture.  Someone's "truth" is "his truth."  No one should bow to, "I disagree."  That doesn't work for almost anything in the real world.  When NASA attempted to prepare for its trip to the moon, "I disagree" might get some attention, but it wasn't enough to alter a plan.  The Bible is viewed with such disrespect today, especially millennials think they can twist it into whatever they want and invent a different position on the spot.  If you don't allow it, then you are the cause of the disruption in relationship.  It's not that simple or easy.  Hard work has gone into the passing on, keeping, or preservation of a belief and practice, and it shouldn't be shucked for the immediacy of millennial convenience.  This is actually fleshly lust that wars against the soul, that Peter talked about.

Paul in Philippians 1:9 expresses:

And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment.

Love is tempered by knowledge and judgment.  As Paul also defined love in 1 Corinthians 13, that it rejoices in the truth and rejoices not in iniquity.  It's not love if it isn't rejoicing in the truth and rejoicing not in iniquity.  Unscriptural behavior isn't loving.

Reconciliation must be grounded on actual teaching of scripture, and this is serious.  Relationship is not based on discounting of truth.  Today truth after truth is relinquished for the sake of holding people together.  Truth can't be discounted for real relationship.  This is faux relationship, not acquiescing to the authority of God and the model of relationship in the Trinity.

More to Come