Moral Narcissist*

I just want all of you to know that I'm really, really against immorality.  Immorality is bad.  It's heinous.  I'm hugely against it.  I'm not sure anyone is against it more than me.  Just a second while I take a moment to tweet that out.  Oops, I can't blog how much I'm against immorality and tweet it at the same time, despite my skill at multi-tasking.  I do have an appropriate picture that will show everyone that I know how to tell how much I'm against immorality.  It's not one of me, because, of course, I'm very, very moral.  The picture is of Jerry Falwell, Jr. and his wife with Donald Trump in front of a framed photo of Donald Trump on the cover of Playboy.   It would be immoral to show the photo.  In addition, I don't have that image right this moment to portray how much I'm against immorality.  However, I'm asking you to imagine it with me for the purpose of understanding how against immorality that I am.

Pause with me a moment while I tell you how immoral Donald Trump is.  He is.  Hugely immoral. If I were on twitter for you to follow me, you would be receiving incessant tweets informing you of how immoral I think Donald Trump is.  You need to know.  He is.  I think he is.  It's been a very well kept secret, which you couldn't have known, that Donald Trump is immoral.  It's important for you to know that I think that he is too.  Me.  That I'm a major opponent of and exposing agent of the immorality of Donald Trump, something along the lines of John the Baptist confronting Herod's immorality, except for the fact that I'm using a form of social media to tell the whole world how immoral I think Donald Trump is.  I'm applying that example as my basis for writing and tweeting against Donald Trump's immorality.  I'm not threatened in any way like John the Baptist, but if I could be threatened, I would be.  It's scary to think he could be president, and then he'd be looking back at people's tweets to see who wrote them, and he might cut my head off (he believes in torture).

I'm not voting for Donald Trump.  My conscience just won't allow me.  You might interpret that as my having a very scrupulous conscience.  You would be right.  Instead, I'm pulling the lever for Junior Samples.  If "Your Conscience" were running, I'd vote for him, and I still might vote for him or at least "My Conscience."  My conscience stays completely silent, purrs like a pigeon with bread crumbs, when I consider my vote for Junior Samples.   On the other hand, my conscience twists and spins and screams like a Harley at even a whiff of a thought of voting for Donald Trump, mainly because of, of course, my hypersensitive morality.  I have a moral gag reflex to Trump that whiplashes me into major vertebrae damage.  When the light came on, Pavlov's dog salivated, and when Trump comes on, I dismount in the crunch position.

Boris Johnson, prominent British politician who favored Brexit, said, "I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis."  Junior Samples has an exponentially less chance of being president than Johnson does being Prime Minister, but I've got to make a major, huge point about how much I'm against immorality with my vote.

Don't read into this too much, but here's the point.  My morality says a few things.  One, blow up the Republican party, salt it like the Romans did Carthage, napalm it so that nothing will grow for millennia.  Two, dare Hillary to become president, two terms, three terms, constitutional amendment for more terms even, whatever it takes to teach Republicans a lesson they won't forget.  Three, for good measure, get a Supreme Court with, I don't know, seven liberal justices, two conservative just to watch them suffer -- blow torch gun rights, the right to life, property rights, whatever, important protections of rights, right out of the constitution, turn that document into so many hot fudge sundaes, just so that people will know how seriously we ("I am") are against immorality.

I so hate the immorality of Donald Trump that I could almost vote for Hillary, but only to show him, actually show me, but you get what I mean -- show everyone, me.  I can't vote for Hillary though.  I can make sure she wins the election with the hyper morality of the deniability that I actually caused it.  I didn't vote for her.  "Did you vote for her?" they'll ask.  I'll say, "No."  No way.  No.  I wouldn't do that.  I didn't cause that.  Nope.   She's president and my conscience is intact.  Yesirree.  Bill in the White House again, elevating the racketeering an embarrassment even to banana republics.  Not my fault though.  I didn't vote for her.

As I foresee my crucible of the ballot box in November, in reality my absentee 95 thesis on the Wittenberg kitchen table several weeks earlier, I can't very well say I'm glad that I've got several months to keep telling you how morally repulsed I am, except that I am.  I just can't say it.  You'll know it though....and know it and know it and know it.  And I'll keep telling you long after Hillary and Bill Clinton are president -- through every form of moral social media Mark Zuckerberg has ever invented.
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*Term taken from this article.  I hadn't thought of the term, but it fits something I've seen perfectly.